The first stage of relationship - attraction in homyfying traits, like to see them, like to be with them, like to hang around with them.
The second stage - awareness, what you see in another person comes through attention, affection and appreciations. When u have ability to design relationships, you listen with the eyes of mind, listen with eyes of soul, listen with eyes of flesh. Ability to appreciate good thing in another person can happen only when u feel loving, affectionate through caring.
The third stage - communion soul connect with another soul - its based on equality, empathy, non judgement, integrity and telling the truth.
If you come across all these three stages, then there is possibility of intimacy. Intimacy is when you totally lose ur ego in the relationship, where u feel defenseless, nothing to defense, no point to defense and expose ur vulnerability, where u go beyond time to timeless awareness, where ur totally natural, there is no manipulation, no control, no cajole, no convincing, no seduction.
In spite of knowing the facts, having the knowledge, we yet tend to go wrong in relationships... that would be a freewill I guess..